Somewhere along the way, most of us stop being who we really are.
After my Personality Poker session last night, I spoke with an attendee in his 60s, a semi-retired grandfather. He picked mostly red cards, the ones about people, creativity, and play. Then he told me, “If I had played this game 20 years ago, I would have picked mostly black cards.”
He looked at me and asked, “Do people’s personalities change?”
My answer comes from decades of watching thousands of people play this game.
In Personality Poker, there are suits, numbers, and colors, each with meaning. For this conversation, let’s focus on the colors.
The red cards represent the relational and creative side of us: people, ideas, connection, and play. The black cards represent the rational side: logic, structure, planning, and discipline.
When young children play Personality Poker, they almost always choose red cards, the ones about imagination, curiosity, and fun. It’s rare for them to pick cards focused on goals, structure, or expertise.
This makes perfect sense. Research shows that 98% of five-year-olds test as highly creative. Kids are naturally wired for play and connection.
Then life starts to happen. We go to school and learn to sit still, follow the rules, and color inside the lines. Parents teach us to be responsible and practical. Later, in the workplace, we’re rewarded for structure, logic, and consistency.
Over time, we pick up more black cards. Not because that’s who we are, but because that’s what the world rewards. We learn to fit in, meet expectations, and please others.
But something shifts later in life. As the pressure to perform fades, many people start playing their red cards again. They spend more time with family, explore creative outlets, give back to their communities, and rediscover joy. The qualities that were always there finally have room to breathe again.
And that’s what I believe. We start life as red cards, and if we’re lucky, we end life as red cards. That’s our essence, who we are deep down inside. The black cards help us succeed and bring order to the world, but they’re learned. The red cards are who we’ve been all along.
Maybe the goal isn’t to wait until retirement to find that part of ourselves again. Maybe it’s time to start playing our red cards right now and bring a little more creativity, connection, and play into our everyday lives.
That’s not just how we started life; it’s who we were always meant to be.
Which cards are you playing most right now? How can you play more red cards?
P.S. I love that the player had their Perfectionist card upside down. It’s perfectly ironic.