You know who you are. But that’s not necessarily who other people experience.
I once worked with Rick, a city manager in Texas. When he chose his Personality Poker cards, he had a flush of Hearts: caring, people-focused, and motivational. But when his team gave him cards, they were all Clubs: disciplined, process-driven, a manager’s manager.
Their perception wasn’t wrong. But it didn’t match how Rick saw himself. Rick had adapted to what his job required and was showing up as a Club, even though that wasn’t what energized him. Once he recognized the disconnect, he shifted some of the process-heavy work to others and spent more time doing what came naturally to him.
The result? He reduced his stress, became more effective, and helped his team see a side of him they hadn’t been seeing.
Your intentions don’t determine how people experience you. Your behavior does.
But sometimes the gap reveals something positive that you don’t see in yourself.
I once did a Personality Poker gifting ceremony with a group of construction workers. One of these big, burly guys gave another the “self-sacrificing” card and explained how he was always the person who stepped up, took responsibility, and put himself on the line for everyone else.
The recipient’s eyes teared up. He thought of himself as a results guy. He had never recognized this quality in himself, but everyone else had.
That’s why one of my favorite parts of Personality Poker is “gifting.” It’s not really about giving someone a playing card. It’s about saying, “This is how I experience you.”
Sometimes that confirms what you already know. Sometimes it reveals something you’re projecting without realizing it. And sometimes someone sees a strength in you that you’ve never recognized in yourself.
Here’s something you can try today. Ask three people who know you well: “What’s one trait or strength you see in me that stands out?”
Don’t tell them how you see yourself first, and don’t defend or explain their answers. Just listen, then compare what they tell you with how you would describe yourself.
The gap is where things get interesting.
See Yourself Through Other People’s Eyes
Gifting is now built into Full Deck IQ. You create your Personality Poker hand based on how you see yourself, then invite other people to gift you cards based on how they experience you.
Now you can compare the two. What do you see that they don’t? What do they see that you don’t? And what might you want to do differently because of it?
Want to see yourself through the eyes of others? Full Deck IQ (FDIQ) lets you compare the hand you create for yourself with the cards others gift you. FDIQ is included with certification. Learn more about FDIQ.
Want to Bring Personality Poker to Others?
For years, I’ve been the one facilitating these kinds of conversations. Now, for the first time, I’m teaching others how to do it.
I’ve opened Personality Poker Facilitator Certification for trainers, consultants, facilitators, and internal leaders who want to bring Personality Poker to their own teams and clients. The first facilitators are already going through the program, and I’m offering the founding group certification for $995.
Learn about Personality Poker Certification